#021714: The Other Side of the Tracks

It's midnight Saturday night on the Brooklyn bound A train platform at West 4th Street. I'd just left a birthday dinner for a friend. It's cold as a witch's tit in a cast iron bra outside and being on the platform only offers brief solace from the bitter, biting cold. As I walked up to a spot I deemed safe enough to wait for the train to take me to my second job, I saw him. Lanky and passably attractive at a distance, but up close, not so much.

"I was telling him about our amazing date."  The woman on the uptown bound platform yelled to him across the tracks. First, he chuckled, then it seemed that somehow, her discussing their date with a stranger invited a pantomimed conversation with him.  Initially, his performance led me to believe that he was autistic.  The whole exchange felt like a missing scene from The Other Sister.

#100304 exhausted

 

to see you makes me....smile?

sometimes,

sometimes i can't help but to beam when the idea of you crosses my mind.
I think of all of you
from the way you stare at me when you think i've fallen asleep
to the way everything feels like it has dropped out of my insides when we're unhappy....

making you mine was the only way this could have gone
i never planned on releasing you
letting you rest within my coils was the only way
i had to possess you
entirely wrapping my limbs around you
enveloping you in my cloud

fatigued beyond belief
you have made us this way
our quabble has forced us to live exhausted for two days
i would rather live exhausted from hours too late from drinking you

love him so much, it was all that mattered.
before i even opened my mouth to utter the words to him...
makes my speech seem tattered
words i'm used to using end up sounding foreign

#5411 Too Soon

 

Dancing between discretion and submission
got me wishin'
you were fishin' in my blue lagoon
too soon to give a damn whether you come or go....

too soon

too slow to realize we're moving too fast
can't last selling my milk away for free
saw you laugh at the scars on my knees
ready to earn more for you...
too soon to call your name when another touches me

seeing babies in your smile
not trying to be the mother of your child just remembering
innocence captured in the glimmer of your eye
innocence disappeared as your hands pulled my thighs

too soon

staring at the skyline under an amber moon
pretending not to stare at each other
too soon to call you my lover 'cause it's not love i have for you

too soon not to return calls from others dreaming of a brother
i long for within
too soon to tell him that we are unable to be more than just too soon

passionate about a passion that shuns me with its greatness
causing time apart to make me feel ill,
realizing you've begun to fill a place in my life too soon
too sudden yet loving the suddenness of your embrace from behind
behind dark hours that keep us safe from remembering time
behind clouds of vices denied
shunning the rules
inventing destinations creating them as we go
trying to listen for the song each of us forgot was inside
we hide from unworthy pretenders
becoming defenders of our feelings keeping ourselves from feeling anything new
too busy being through with everything we've already been through
to realize what the 2 of us could do
for days and days on end but then again,
we only have days before the suddenness suddenly is not so sudden
and sadly
sullenly
i find myself alone.