Tuesday, May 17, 2011

#51711 Junkie

 
he'd ruined music for me...
i was out with another. trying to enjoy myself, but really enjoying him enjoying me. across the table. i knew what his looks meant.

then a song came on and i couldn't look at this man across from me with anything other than bewilderment that he wasn't the right man.


because of my muse this one's time would be as short lived as all the others.
there was no escaping the inevitable.

i had been fated to love him even when he didn't love me.
i had been fated to think of him even when i couldn't be further from his thoughts.

other kisses were hollow in comparison
their mouths lacked the fullness of his.
their intensity never matched or surpassed mine.

they made it too easy to conquer them while he remained unnavigable.

i loved getting lost in the maze that was his mind
and signed up to do so time and time and time again.

i kept swearing him off
but like the junkie i am,
i've never kicked him...
he is my greatest vice
my favorite drug....

he ruined music for me.

me who has an eternal soundtrack for my life.
me who hears music in conversations
me who sings even without opening my mouth....

other's arms couldn't hold on strong enough.
other's embraces felt oppressive.
other's kisses tasted nasty to me.

they made it soo easy to be mean to them while he always got the best of me.

i wanted to get him out of my system,
then the chords of a song i'd forgotten would bring me right back
right back to the first time i realized i'd fallen in a well i couldn't get out of
right back to the first time he gave me goosebumps in body parts i didn't know existed.

i loved getting lost in the maze that was his heart
and signed up to do so time and time and time again.

the intricasies of his patterns
a creature of habit who confirms to none.


i kept swearing him off
but like the junkie i am,
i've never kicked him...
he is my greatest vice
my favorite drug....

i am addicted and there is no substitute for the high he gives me...
even at my worst,
i am my best for him and him alone....
i can't get him out of my system....
i've known a life without him and don't want to see those days again...
i don't wanna....

Friday, May 6, 2011

#5511 Camera Phone

It all started with a couple of glasses of wine for dinner on a weeknight and I got to thinking,


"I feel like rocking a wig."  

I don't rock wigs as much as I used to, but I like to keep one around 'cause....well, I've always liked being able to play dress up soooo....What? I'm a drama person and aspiring drag queen. You never know when you'll need a good wig. YAAASSSSS.....

What makes one randomly feel like she needs to rock a wig? With my return to #twitter & my twitterversary coming up, I was having a lil' bit of hair envy.  Some of y'all just have luxurious locks (both grown and purchased) all cascading all cross your shoulders and down your backs in profile pics & twitpics.  Yeah I Solange'd myself a million moons ago, but now I wanted something to be cascading down my back and cross my shoulders. #noheauxsht. I wanted daytime stripper hair.  (shout out to @saigrundy) Me with loooong hair and sexy poses would look awesome in a new profile pic.  He also hadn't seen me with longer hair. I thought about surprising him rocking it next time we went out.

Oooh he'd like that! I'd just show up w/my wig luxuriating like I'd gotten out ALLLL the Indian in my family blown out in the Dominican's chair.  Oooooohhh! What if I I played sexytime dress up by myself and snap flicks on my phone and sent those to him.  YAAASSSSS. He'd like that. (This is where having wine for dinner starts to be a bad idea....)

What started out as me creating and homage to soooo many people's faux fly camera flicks evolved into me playing out my skripper fantasies in the full length mirror in my room to achieve the perfect poses for my photo shoot then went all the way left and almost left me needing the ER last night.

Don't get it twisted,  the Doll is fairly fit.  I'm REAL sexy with my clothes on. Hell, once or twice I've  even been told I'm not just limber, but FLEXIBLE.....For my age anyway....Chile....In trying to achieve the perfect sexy yet anonymous photo I got about three cricks in my neck, did something strange that made my kidneys ache and somehow caught a charlie horse AND a deadleg.

I have a new found respect for those who have folders full of self shot self soft porn portraits on their smart phones.  That mess is not as easy as you would think it is.  I thought I'd be able to face the mirror, hold the camera just so and end up w/ a flick that both was and wasn't me.  I wanted it to suggest me, but not look like something I'd have to explain after I become famous when it suddenly surfaces on the top of someone's blog or comes across my bosses desk.  When I set out to try record my grown up game up by-myself dress up and take these semi sexy self portraits I KNEW not to commit the cardinal sin others have done in the past:

DON'T SHOW YOUR FACE
DON'T SHOW SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE KNOWS IS YOU

Some of you may already know that I am a woman with ink. The ink I rock proudly is fairly distinguishable and in places hard to mask.  Well, under normal FULLY clothed circumstances, you wouldn't be able to see it. But these were not NORMAL fully clothed circumstances.  These wer my attempts at creating a nudie representation of myself and by nudie, I clearly mean not even Skinemax worthy.  How was I to take a photograph of myself that had neither my tits my tats or my face would get me a more stern rating with the MPAA? I mean, the wig would help in hiding features I wanted to disguise, so on it went. That was easy.

Figuring out how and where to hold the camera was a totally different adventure. That mess was HARD!!!!

I'm a woman of a certain age so I have a fairly good grasp of what my good angles are, in what I look best etc.... It's something I  had to learn over time. It's amazing how the slightest change in posture or angle could add or take away years from my image on a real camera.  With a real camera I can appear fairly photogenic. I say this with great modesty from years and years and years of feeling awkward in what was my gangly body.  (You can take a tomboy out of her overalls.....) Finding out what makes me look/feel good on and off camera has been an arduous task.  When asked to take a picture, I would feel a certain way inside when I posed for the picture, but there was a decade or so where that feeling wouldn't translate to the film. In a lot of ways it was because I was trying way too hard to hide the discomfort I felt and trying to look like something or someone I wasn't. I have no idea who or what, just not me.

Within the last 5 years, somehow that all changed.

I finally felt comfortable in my skin.  Graduating to taking a big girl photo of myself seemed like a natural progression.  Practicing by myself was like the (un)dress rehearsal.

All bets were off with this damn camera phone.

First of all, in trying to mimick America's Favorite Camera Phone Poses, I have deduced that you have to have the wingspan of Shaq to take them well. I'm not a short woman, but my arms are far too short to box with the god of cameras on phones. Other than overhead flouresent lighting, NOTHING is as unflattering as the indoor lighting on "impromptu" phone photo shoots.  Every time I'd get what I thought was a semi decent pose or expression going, something disastrous would go down.  In trying to give the camera smoldering vixen, I ended up looking like a porous crone from zooming in far too much.  When I got what I thought was my petulant cherub pout going I instead looked like I'd scorched my lips on a curling iron.

I've seen sooo many people with actual sexy pics with their phone.  Somehow they have mastered the art of looking #popsiclehot with low pixels and resolution. Then to flaunt their skills and shape they post them all the time on thematically nude Twitter days.

How the hell does someone take a photograph of their own ass?
Are y'all hiring production assistants for these situations?
Is there some secret rule book or Facebook group that offers pointers on this kind of thing?
Why were my attempts at sexy pics coming out looking like a preschooler drew them with dull crayons on wet oaktag?

I started to feel like the awkard tomboy again trying too hard to be the Lolita and failing miserably.  The pics were dark and blurry and unflattering.  I could see my stretchmarks.  I sucked my stomach in until I could count my ribs. I pouted with an open mouth. A closed mouth. Snarled slightly. Tossed the wig. Put it back on. NOTHING I did or wore made the photos look nice.  I was about to give up the ghost and throw in the towel when it occurred to me:

Could it be my phone?
palm+forehead.

Do y'all know this old raggedy ass janky ass phone I've had for a year now still had the protective film on the lens?

palm+forehead.  

Maybe it wasn't me.

Kudos to those with the time and expertise to perfect that utterly useless skill. It seriously took me the better part of an hour to get just ONE flick where I looked cute, inviting, and like one of my secret selves.  I've watched enough seasons of Top Model to know that taking an hour's worth of flicks to get ONE passable shot would've had Tyra telling me to return to the mansion, pack my bags, and go home. To top it all off, it wasn't even a SUPER sexy pic like I wanted.

Lawd y'all.  This is why some of us shouldn't have idle time on our hands...

'Til next time.
-tygerlily 

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

#100304 exhausted

 



to see you makes me....smile?

sometimes,

sometimes i can't help but to beam when the idea of you crosses my mind.
I think of all of you
from the way you stare at me when you think i've fallen asleep
to the way everything feels like it has dropped out of my insides when we're unhappy....

making you mine was the only way this could have gone
i never planned on releasing you
letting you rest within my coils was the only way
i had to possess you
entirely wrapping my limbs around you
enveloping you in my cloud

fatigued beyond belief
you have made us this way
our quabble has forced us to live exhausted for two days
i would rather live exhausted from hours too late from drinking you

love him so much, it was all that mattered.
before i even opened my mouth to utter the words to him...
makes my speech seem tattered
words i'm used to using end up sounding foreign

#4901 My Love Is....

 


my love is....

there is no diet version of my love
i can not love in increments and single serving portions
i do not have a sugar substitute for my kisses

no lily-light for those afraid of decadence
my love is a rich souffle that takes days to eat in its entirety
(you almost want to ask for two plates so you can share)

my love does not come in petite sizes with slender waists
one size fits most

my love is....
my love is not afraid of full bosoms and thick ankles
that soften an embrace
escape
paradiso in plus sizes

too much of everything has never been just right

my love is Baby Bear's bed
when you're tired
my passion is unforgettable
sleeping with divine

my love does not come in a base model
there is no dimmer switch
on
or
off


my love is all or nothing
free
or
bound


my love is splendid
celestial
escape for the weary

my love transcends mapping
and
logic
and
second hands on watches


it can only be explained in excess
purging on the supple
damn near suffocation
but the fear of not breathing has never been so sweet

#5411 Too Soon

 

Dancing between discretion and submission
got me wishin'
you were fishin' in my blue lagoon
too soon to give a damn whether you come or go....

too soon

too slow to realize we're moving too fast
can't last selling my milk away for free
saw you laugh at the scars on my knees
ready to earn more for you...
too soon to call your name when another touches me

seeing babies in your smile
not trying to be the mother of your child just remembering
innocence captured in the glimmer of your eye
innocence disappeared as your hands pulled my thighs

too soon

staring at the skyline under an amber moon
pretending not to stare at each other
too soon to call you my lover 'cause it's not love i have for you

too soon not to return calls from others dreaming of a brother
i long for within
too soon to tell him that we are unable to be more than just too soon

passionate about a passion that shuns me with its greatness
causing time apart to make me feel ill,
realizing you've begun to fill a place in my life too soon
too sudden yet loving the suddenness of your embrace from behind
behind dark hours that keep us safe from remembering time
behind clouds of vices denied
shunning the rules
inventing destinations creating them as we go
trying to listen for the song each of us forgot was inside
we hide from unworthy pretenders
becoming defenders of our feelings keeping ourselves from feeling anything new
too busy being through with everything we've already been through
to realize what the 2 of us could do
for days and days on end but then again,
we only have days before the suddenness suddenly is not so sudden
and sadly
sullenly
i find myself alone.

Monday, May 2, 2011

#5211 Thinking of Midnight Eyes

Eyes Clip Art

Thinking of midnight eyes at 9 o'clock in the morning and wondering whose tongue will meet her thighs tonight.

A woman who is free can make 2 am eyes at half past five at the man who stares too long through his Windows of imported German glass
and
Run her hand up her shirt at happy hour,
For she really is happy,
and
Need not wonder who or where,
Just know that later there will be a who deep somewhere.

Thin line between coquettes and whoredom
She dances this line daily as she bathes away the scent and lust of midnight men and dawn screwing.

Remembering that the choice of so-called freedom,
A Liberated body bound to a conscious mind,
Was her own.

So,
Thinking of midnight lovers at 9am does not always bring a smile to lips.
Instead,
She thinks of vines in the twilight hours,
A swamp fog for a swamp fox.
He was her lover.
His eyes never told tim,
Only stories of what the midnight magic hour could bring.
Peyote kisses,
Hair like Spanish Moss.

This is what she thinks of when the man in the truck stares through his tempered Japanese glass.

She thinks of midnight eyes at all hours of the day.
Happily letting fingers dance' tween her legs,
Upon her bosom.
She thinks of kisses that guide her through the city's swamps,
Moist thighs,
Damp skirts flapping and biting her ankles all at dawn.

Those midnight men polluting her womb with unworthy attempts at planting progeny.
She stands in her shower while he sleeps in her bed.
Someone deep somewhere.
There are no swamps,
No timeless, ageless eyes.
Only a sticky stench that she watches pour away from her body
and
Run away to the drain between her toes.

Happy to have the freedom to dream of all those she has kissed with her knees,
All those she remembers at 7pm when the traffic has finally lightened up again.

When she smiles,
She can't explain why.
Being a coquette again,
Never a whore.
Never at midnight.
-tygerlily

Friday, April 29, 2011

LYRICS I LOVE: E.T. -Katy Perry

You're so hypnotizing
Could you be the devil?

Could you be an angel?
Your touch magnetizing
Feels like I am floating
Leaves my body glowing
They say be afraid
You're not like the others
Futuristic lover
Different DNA
They don't understand you
You're from a whole other world
A different dimension
You open my eyes
And I'm ready to go
Lead me into the light....

-Katy Perry


<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/21782204?title=0&amp;byline=0&amp;portrait=0" width="400" height="300" frameborder="0"></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/21782204">Katy Perry - ET</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/youonlyliveonce">YouOnlyLiveOnce</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>




Thursday, April 28, 2011

#42811 Losing One's Senses


He is a sound sculptor and music is her church. It seems only appropriate that he rendered her deaf.

What he did to her was senseless, but in doing it, he managed to wake up all of her other senses.
She had to lose one.
He who bends sound with such ease made it so she couldn't hear a thing.

She couldn't hear anything.

She could feel their heartbeats beating inside one chest as his pressed against hers pressing against his.
Their skin melted into each others creating one body making a flesh latte
light and sweet
drowning their hips in the rhythmic pulse they couldn't help but dance against
dance with
dance in
they'd heard and sung this song before.
this was their anthem.

She could taste the very rich extreme fullness of his kisses.
His lips are her favorite fruit.
One of her basic food groups; she devours them every chance she gets.
She could taste his breath on her collarbone,
on her stomach,
salivating over each nipple,
sliding against her thighs.
His mouth was everywhere and nowhere at once.

She knew he was talking. She could see his mouth moving. She could feel his lips moving as he pulled each one into her willing mouth. She kissed him so violently she thought she'd torn one those precious fruits she cherished so deeply.

She kissed him with lips,
with teeth,
with tongue,
with arms,
with breasts,
knees,
thighs and ankles.

Their teeth clashed against each other she was so eager to abuse her senses to feel more of him.
See more of him
Taste more of him

She could see him seeing her. His honey colored eyes coating her with his piercing gaze. He stared at her, into her. She could see him seeing her and was afraid of what he'd observe. She could see him looking at all the flaws on her scarred body, mind, and heart.  He could see the things she hid so well from everyone else but could never hide from him. He was still there, still devouring her, still drugging her and her senses.

She could smell his delicious sweat that dripped down his pulsing jugular and rested in a pool in his collarbone. His scent always reminded her of her greatest and worst decisions all in one. With him, she was always her most authentic self and he devoured her in spite of it. She slurped the puddle of nectar up greedily. She could smell the cocktail of his scent mixing with hers creating a nerve gas that lulled her to do whatever he wanted to
but still couldn't hear a thing.
Couldn't hear the sweet nothings she felt him whispering in her neck.
Couldn't hear the longing he mumbled into the sweet spot behind her ear.
Couldn't hear the murmurred melody of moans, the harmony they'd purr as her eyess rolled all the way up into her head.

She could feel her own wetness drowning them both and feel the delight he felt as he rode each wave of their pleasure deeper and deeper inside.
Feel the skin break under her nails as she digs in as he digs in.
Feels the teeth sink into her skin as if his last name was Cullen.

He stole her hearing so that she would only hear him.
And he did it so artfully.
Hear only the growl in his voie when he beckoned her to come closer.
Hear only the longing in his pauses when he spoke to her.
Hear only the possession that was implied in his touch.
Hear how he grabbed hold and pulled her closer than close just......then.

Her missing sense came flooding back to her.
She thought herself dead, killed by him without even trying because all she heard was angels singing. She thought herself dead and surely in paradise because she what she heard was so powerful and strong and unlike anything she'd ever heard before.
She thought herself dead until she felt something warm and wet in the just under her chin and realized she wasn't dead at all.
At least not literally. Le petit mort.

She could hear again, hear him whispering to her....
and she whispered back....

"Again?"

-tygerlily

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

#3911 Come Hither

 

She had on too much perfume.

She didn't mean to put on so much, but she knew he loved the way it smelled so she doused herself in it. It was a blend of oils she'd made up and called "Come Hither." She only wore it when she was definitively on the prowl. This combination could and had had detrimental affects when worn carelessly.  A lover once told her it smelled like the best sex he ever had.  Tonight, she applied it to all the places she wanted him to kiss.
Wrists
Nape of her neck
Valley between her busom
Backs of her knees
Small of her back
Her navel
The meeting of her thighs
It had been so long since she'd last....seen him and he was only in town for the night. She hadn't even planned on going out that night, but since she was out, she wanted to make sure he knew shewas there before he could even see me. She wanted to linger in the air.

Would he look the same?

She made her rounds 'round the table, greeting and air kissing until she got to him. He stood, opened his arms then slid them around my waist under her open jacket and pulled her to him so effortlessly. She had fully meant to keep her distance in the embrace, but instead, feeling those arms around that waist....she was back in the familiar place both of them fought so hard so often to forget. She nestled into that familiar faraway place, her head resting in the valley of his neck and just inhaled him, as she was sure he was inhaling her. He bowed his head and ran his finger from her collarbone to her cheek and back again. She craned her neck eagerly anticipating the bites he used to plant where his thumb now danced. He planted a soft kiss an inch or two lower than he should have for it to only be a kiss of greeting.

When she felt his lips on her neck, she forgot where she was, forgot who she was, or what she was supposed to be doing.

"I know that scent well." He whispered into her ear as he took a deep breath of her scent. His breath almost felt like a growl in his chest as he took a hit of her intoxicating smell. It emanated off of her. His face was still much too close and much too low to be as innocent as she was feigning this encounter to be.

Just as quickly, he pulled away and held her at arms length, a wry smile on his lips as he drank her in visually. She battled with her legs to invent a steadiness she certainly wasn't feeling. He'd made her weak. So much for them just being friends. No one at the table even batted an eye. The whole exchange had been less than half a minute, but a lifetime of their encounters washed over her in that instant.

They sat at the table in close enough proximity to tell a thousand secrets to one another with their eyes and careful smiles. Without speaking they made dirty promises about what they would do to one another if ever they were able to escape the rest of their party. The drinks flowed easily. Her clothes felt too heavy and she was disinterested in the meal. She looked at him an he bit his lower lip ever.so.slightly.... She got fidgety and impatient.

She excused myself from the table and felt his eyes consuming her as she walked. He felt her wetness around him from across the table, across the room and his eyes continued to devour her as she moved slowly away from him and the party they were with. Knowing he was thinking about the same thing she was caused her to inhale slowly and hold tight her muscles at the entry to her love. There was no certainty they would be able to make good on what they were both so close to they could taste it. She didn't want to get her hopes up. She strode as confidently as she could towards the ladies' room. The hallway was dark and long and narrow and led to a tiny water closet with a pull string light.

She looked at herself in the mirror.

The flush she was feeling had crept up her neck to her cheeks. She rinsed her hands under cool water, wet up a paper towel and pressed it to her neck to try and sober up from this longing that had made her dizzy. She'd hoped the wet paper would help to cool her hunger.

When she thought she'd collected herself, she opened the too small door and stepped out only to be met with him standing a few feet down the hall propped against the wall, head hung ever so slightly. His presence startled her and she stumbled back. There was a tiny ledge between the door and the hallway and seeing him there caused her to slip and almost fall. He darted forward to save her, one arm slid into the small of her back and the other into her hand.

Around him, she even fell gracefully.

He righted her and she found herself up against the wall trying to catch/steady her breath, her pulse doing a step routine in my ears. They were frozen as if caught in a moment on a faraway dance floor. His arm round her waist, his other hand holding hers slightly above their heads. He leaned her arm against the door jam and allowed his arm to sloooowly travel down her wrist, her elbow, up her shoulder, cross her collarbone until his finger traced the line of her jaw to her chin. The soft pallate of her throat fit perfectly between his thumb and forefinger and still holding her by the throat he commanded her her neck upwards to welcome his kiss. With just those two fingers, he had the strength to hold her exactly where he wanted her. He had her by her neck pressed against the doorjam, the mass of his body against her. She couldn't get away if she wanted to and there was not a drop of fear in her heart. She liked how he held her.

Something about the danger of it made her pulse quicken.
Something about the aggression of it let her know exactly where he was waking up the next morning.
Too much needed to happen for them to part ways at the end of the meal.

Her chest rose against him. He left no room between them for it to fall.

Over his shoulder, she saw a busboy darting towards them,
misunderstanding the encounter and trying to come to her rescue much too late.
She welcomed his kiss.
She welcomed his arms holding her to him.
She welcomed all of the possibilities that night had to offer.

-----------------------
The dim light creeping around the curtains let her know they hadn't slept at all. He laid head to foot on the bed drinking in her legs through his hands. He'd run his fingers from heel to thigh, then glide his open palm over the vast expanse of her legs as if trying to memorize them or cover them in his fingertips. He kissed them, licked them, bit them, embraced them, held them. Even with morning-after hair and makeup she'd never felt as beautiful as she did that morning in his eyes as he devoured her legs. She'd never felt so tall, so supple, so womanly as she did laying across that hotel bed that morning.

Laying with him

Her skin was so awake with passion... she could feel the difference in the callouses on his hands, the soft pads of his fingertips....They were drowsy with sleep and longing for each other but too afraid to let the minutes pass by sleeping through the morning....after all, he was only in town for the night, and the night was running away from them fast.

She turned her gaze away from him briefly into the pillow and was met with her own scent mingling with his. Her breath seized sharply when she felt him wanting more against her thigh.

One hand slid effortlessly up her calves, up her thighs, making small circles 'round her belly as if saluting the home of the baby they joked of making.... up higher and higher, dancing along one breast, then the other until he had her neck once again cradled between those fingers of his.  His mouth followed the same path his hand had taken. She arched under each slow, wet kiss...each one eliciting a soft gasp from her parted mouth.  He climbed her slowly with his mouth til she pulled him close to her, so very close to her. She panted against the same place her face had nestled into hours earlier when they were still clothed.

He looked at her. She looked back. Their eyes met. Their stare answered hundreds of questions. Usually one to look away as she writhed with want, she held his gaze, smiled at him. He smiled back. They both inhaled deeply and then,
he entered her just as he was and she let him in....
-tygerlily

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

#3811 Open wide & Say AHHHHHHH!!!!!

EDITOR'S NOTE: This post 1st appeared on THELAURENSHOW over a year ago. Some of you are faithful readers who've seen it before. Some of you are newbies waiting to be inducted. At any rate, this guest post was first done by one of the homies who asked that we address her as Myparentshateme.  I am nothing if not obedient... enjoy!

 



Ladies, what's the big deal about head?

tygerlily was telling me that a couple of weeks ago, she was chatting it up w/a friend abt another married friend of hers whose wife doesn't give head.

I blatantly made fun of the girl.

Not giving your boo a professional is to me as grave a sin as women who cant/dont cook. Broads should get marked w/a DENIED brand so fellas don't get caught out there w/one in the crib and a neglected peen.

I'm saying, how can u be grown & not rock the mic?
Crazy ish is, I believe shorty prolly expects dude to lick her love below.... How does that work? You don't wanna test your gag reflex, but feel as though he needs to slurp your vag yogurt? How do you rationalize that? No really, put me on 'cause you, dear sister, are living in DE-NIAL.
say aaaaahhhhhh....

Personally, ever since my first attempt @ "singing," I have to admit, I get turned the eff on knowing that I can do something to make a fella feel good, make him feel goooooood.

I like to see a mu'fcka's toes curl from the pleasure I am bestowing upon him.

I enjoy hearing those low guttural moans crawl up out his chest.

I appreciate all the "oh sh*ts" he spews at the top of my head like machine gun fire as he's about to cum.

That sh*t gets me really f*ckin....well, you get the picture....


I've made it a point to get my skills w/that on point. I read about it. I watch instructional videos. If you want to be happy in a relationship, I heartily advocate sucking a mean cock.
Don't know how?  4 out of 5 exes will tell you I know what I'm doing when I go down.

I know some chicks are reading this right now and thinking #hosh*t.

Y'all b*tches are prolly single and salty about it! Don't hate me, hate the fact that you're a prude.

I've heard from some of my girls that they don't do that because they don't want the dude to feel like he "got me."

Wtf?

You don't want him to think he "got you?"

Let me get this straight, you think letting him tickle your tonsils with his man meat means he "got you," but doing the hokey pokey with you bent over in the kitchen on a butcher block chopping board doesn't?

Riiiiiigghhhhht....

You boning him, aren't you? So why not give him the boning he'll never forget?

Not only that, but you feminists want power and equality, right? So why not take out all that frustration you feel about job and economic inequality by making a dude squirm and beg for mercy from the skills you can't put on a resume? Use what you've got to get what you want...E'rybody has a mouth...come check my tonsils......aahhhhhhh.....

Now that we're grown it is way more important to have QUALITY sex rather than QUANTITY. Afterall, who wants to be a lousy lay? Who wants to be the forgotten fck?

I was recently working on my "list" of all the boys I've boned before. There are A LOT of names that were left off the list. Why? 'Cause they are forgotten fcks. If I remembered them, then at best I know I got nekkid with them, but there was nothing memorable about them or about us unclothed for me to feel the need to record them for posterity. In..out...in...out..and next thing you know, some sweaty dude has collapse across my perfect busom.  If I'm not feeling it, I damn sure ain't faking it. If I'm not faking it, why would I bother remembering you for a later date and higher number.

In essence, they are misdemeanor lays.  They'll get erased after a few years and won't stay on your permanent record.

They were fast food dick. They tided me over when I was hungry, but they don't neccessarily qualify as a memorable meal.

Think of them as the snackwrap of penis. A guilty pleasure you indulged in and right afterwards wished you hadn't.

But, I remember everyone whose dick I sucked & I remember them WELL....ok, maybe not ALL of them, but I do remember most....

Funny thing is, I'm almost a hundred percent sure they remember me too. How do I know this? Cause the few times I've bumped into them somewhere & given the obligatory hug, something below has automatically bumped into me. It's like seeing my smile causes a Pavlov hardon for them.

If I allow the conversation to actually become a conversation, inevitably they'll fish for details about my marital/relationship status, or lack there of, and drop hints about their own in attempts to try and get this old thing back.

Please save me your armchair feminisms about how I should be more to a man than a wet mouth barrel o'fun.

You're absolutely right.

Women should be well rounded, intelligent mates versed in global news and pop culture, be patrons of the arts and have the innate ability to both prove themselves right without emasculating....
THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT.

It's about how some broads really got selfish ass mentalities and don't understand why they can't keep a dude...

It's 'cause you're not gargling babies.

UmmKay? Sorry to break it to you. Don't believe me? Try it out and see. If I'm wrong get at me. If I'm right, make sure you hydrate, don't be scared to spit on it and I won't sit by my mail bow looking for the thank you note. Your hands'll prolly be to busy to type it anyway. 

-myparentshateme

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