#9311 JUST friends

We were 

JUST friends,

but that didn't dull the sting,
not even a little bit.

You left.

I was celebrating and hadn't even planned on seeing you.
I'd put all thoughts of you

and what I really wanted from you

out of my mind.

Somehow,
you manifested
and
you
just
being
there
tortured
me.

Being just close enough,
but somehow not close enough.

Right then,

I wanted you more than I wanted wealth.

Right then,

I wanted you more than I wanted fame.

Right then,

I wanted you more than I wanted to be free.

Why would I want freedom when I could be bound to you?
Why would I want freedom when I could be braiding my limbs to you?

You rested your hand
                  your hands
on my body....

Through my dress,

I wanted every single one of those digits to memorize every single piece of me.

Through my dress,

your fingertips burned into my skin the words you pretended not to want to say.

But you were leaving shortly.

You were leaving the event
                 leaving our unspoken conversation
                 leaving me

your friend

to go and see another.

You didn't say it.

I could read it in the pain of your expression

I could read it in the way you said

you had to go

as if waiting for me to give you a reason to stay.

I couldn't say what I was thinking.

After all,

We were JUST friends.

I couldn't say to you

She's not me

Isn't

Won't be

Can't be

All you need and want

She has you tonight when I want you

She has you tonight when I danced with you

for the second time

She has you tonight when 

I've put an hour's extra effort into how I look

                                                     how I smell

                                                     how I feel

All for you

All to let you know I hear what you're thinking.

Yet,

You left me to go and see her

Whoever she is doesn't matter.

She's not me.

Isn't

Won't be

Can't be

All you need and want

I shouldn't care.

We're JUST supposed to be

JUST friends

I'm on one tonight.

I'm killing it tonight.

I'm serving tonight.

                              serving lipslegsandlashes tonight

I caught you staring at my lipslegsandlashes

I want those fingers on my lipslegsandlashes

The fact that those fingers won't know me tonight,

intimately

won't touch me in the morning like J Cole said

won't make me grateful for waiting 

ALL THIS TIME

for you

won't make me gasp as if on the place I touch real late when all alone and call your name

because of course,

we're JUST friends

Neither of us wants this.

You know as well as I do

If your eyes hadn't told on you,

your hands certainly did

those hands that didn't fight my hem as my moves made it move dangerously north

those hands that rested far too low on my curves 

those hands that burned intentions through my dress as you pulled me too close

It was late

and so you left

                  left the event

                  left our unspoken conversation

                  left me

JUST your friend

to go and see another.

You didn't say it

I could read it in the pain of your expression

I could read it in the way you said

you had to go.

I tried dancing with others, but their hands felt clumsy

I tried dancing with others, but they told me to put my phone away.

I kept it close in case you changed your mind

I watched the door in case you changed your mind

                              in case you realized what I already know

You deserve better

You could do better

I promise

I'm better

-tygerlily