The 1st twelve hours after refusing a lover are the hardest
whatever your reasons were seem ridiculous,
and you worry if he'll call again
you worry if you'll hear from him again
when you can still smell him on your skin,
even after you've bathed,
when the longing is so ripe you are sodden with lust
when touching yourself does not satisfy
no matter how many times you writhe in your bed alone
THOSE are the worst hours
those 12 hours
those 720 minutes
those however many seconds it is
THOSE are the hardest
BUT after 12 hours and one minute
when you've spoken to him
when he's reached out to let you know you're on his mind
after you can hear the longing in his words
after you can taste the lust in his breath
then you know that you were right to have conviction
that you were right to stand by a decision that was hard to be made
a decision that was harder than you were pressed against his body
but your reasons were solid
your reasons were solid,
because there is never any reason to refuse a lover.
if there is no doubt that letting him inside you would be the best idea you'd had in many 12 hours
that feeling him
throb with him
thrust with him
pant with him
would not be the wisest choice you'd made in many 12 hours
then there is no reason to refuse him.
there is no reason not to feel those teeth graze your neck as his tongue laps slowly behind them
there is no reason not to have fingertips at the nape of your neck
there is no reason to refuse a lover
and if there is,
your reasons better be solid
in those 12 hours
when you can still taste him on your lips
when you can still feel that palm tightening in the hair at the nape of your neck
when you can still feel fingers gripping your ass to pull you closer
to lift you closer
arms wrapped 'round you in a way,
you know the way...
you'd better hope your reason is strong
you'd better hope your will is strong
because as you close the door behind him and listen to him walk away wondering if he'd come back
as you look out the peep hole in hopes that he may plead with you and try to break your will
as you lay down in your cold bed alone that night
and soak your sheets by yourself,
you'd better hope those reasons were good.
you'd better hope those reasons were as good as the time you would have had.
you'd better hope those reason are as strong as what you are trying to build.
you are a fool
because there really is no reason to refuse a lover.