We were
JUST friends,
but that didn't dull the sting,
not even a little bit.
You left.
I was celebrating and hadn't even planned on seeing you.
I'd put all thoughts of you
and what I really wanted from you
out of my mind.
Somehow,
you manifested
and
you
just
being
there
tortured
me.
Being just close enough,
but somehow not close enough.
Right then,
I wanted you more than I wanted wealth.
Right then,
I wanted you more than I wanted fame.
Right then,
I wanted you more than I wanted to be free.
Why would I want freedom when I could be bound to you?
Why would I want freedom when I could be braiding my limbs to you?
You rested your hand
your hands
on my body....
Through my dress,
I wanted every single one of those digits to memorize every single piece of me.
Through my dress,
your fingertips burned into my skin the words you pretended not to want to say.
But you were leaving shortly.
You were leaving the event
leaving our unspoken conversation
leaving me
your friend
to go and see another.
You didn't say it.
I could read it in the pain of your expression
I could read it in the way you said
you had to go
as if waiting for me to give you a reason to stay.
I couldn't say what I was thinking.
After all,
We were JUST friends.
I couldn't say to you
She's not me
Isn't
Won't be
Can't be
All you need and want
She has you tonight when I want you
She has you tonight when I danced with you
for the second time
She has you tonight when
I've put an hour's extra effort into how I look
how I smell
how I feel
All for you
All to let you know I hear what you're thinking.
Yet,
You left me to go and see her
Whoever she is doesn't matter.
She's not me.
Isn't
Won't be
Can't be
All you need and want
I shouldn't care.
We're JUST supposed to be
JUST friends
I'm on one tonight.
I'm killing it tonight.
I'm serving tonight.
serving lipslegsandlashes tonight
I caught you staring at my lipslegsandlashes
I want those fingers on my lipslegsandlashes
The fact that those fingers won't know me tonight,
intimately
won't touch me in the morning like J Cole said
won't make me grateful for waiting
ALL THIS TIME
for you
won't make me gasp as if on the place I touch real late when all alone and call your name
because of course,
we're JUST friends
Neither of us wants this.
You know as well as I do
If your eyes hadn't told on you,
your hands certainly did
those hands that didn't fight my hem as my moves made it move dangerously north
those hands that rested far too low on my curves
those hands that burned intentions through my dress as you pulled me too close
It was late
and so you left
left the event
left our unspoken conversation
left me
JUST your friend
to go and see another.
You didn't say it
I could read it in the pain of your expression
I could read it in the way you said
you had to go.
I tried dancing with others, but their hands felt clumsy
I tried dancing with others, but they told me to put my phone away.
I kept it close in case you changed your mind
I watched the door in case you changed your mind
in case you realized what I already know
You deserve better
You could do better
I promise
I'm better
-tygerlily
